Things I’ll Never Say Out Loud

              There are often situations and times, when I forget to hug you, kiss and tell you that I love you. Sometimes when you call, I won’t have the mood to talk to you because I am busy using my laptop. Sometimes I forget to comfort you if you are down and most of all; I always forget to thank you for everything you do and every sacrifices you made for us. In this essay I will pour all my memories with you. Papa, I will use this opportunity to tell you things that I guess I will never have the guts to tell you every day.


               I’m Sorry. The first thing out of three that I want to tell you. I am sorry for being such a pain, especially when I force you to buy me things that I want. Do you remember when I was seven I cried my eyes out just to convince you to buy me a Barbie doll? That memory still lingers in my mind clearly, that day I saw a Barbie that wears a beautiful purple gown, it caught my eyes because it was from the Barbie movie that I watched the night before. I asked mama if she’ll buy that for me and I was scolded. Like I said I was hard headed back then, so I dragged you near the Barbie doll forced you to buy that for me. I am sorry for being insensitive. Sometimes I call you names that is never to your liking I also do pranks on you because I really enjoy every second of it. I am sorry if I always act like a spoiled brat. Remember when I told you that I will never want a younger sibling? The real reason behind that is that I don’t want to be left behind and I wanted yours and mama’s attention focused on me and ate.


               Thank you. I do not know how to say this papa but I want to thank you for everything. Thank you for being a fan. When I was younger you always encourage me to sing. You always buy karaoke dvds’ just for me, you always push me to the level that I will be able to sing in front of many people. Thank you for being our clown. When I was down, you always make me smile by doing things that you know will crack my shell. Thank you for telling me stories. I remember when I was seven you told me a story about canned sardines, I was really captured by that time, I believed every part and was amazed in every scene of it. Thank you for your understanding. Every time that I am in a bad mood you will always do things that will brighten me up. Remember the day when I purposely broke my sandals? Every time it will flash in my mind I can’t help but to laugh at my spoiled brat attitude.


                   I love you. You have always been in my life, from the day I first opened my eyes to the present moment. You are a teacher, a guide, and a source of strength and support. You, whom I look up to with loving trust and pride. With a willing hand to lend, you are a helper, an adviser and my partner in crime. You showed me the stars and taught me how to reach them. You mean the world to me; you are my one and only father. Even if you are far from me, I will always stay by your side. I know it is a bit cheesy, but still papa, I will always be there for you like you have been for me. I want you to feel special by writing instead of saying things that I’ll never say at least out loud.